When Galaxies Collide
by Cloud Auditore Fair
Summary: A collection of oneshots to get your Bellice fix because who needs a reason.
1. From Lonely Nights to Lazy Afternoons

**A/N:** This was just supposed to be a couple hundred word thing for my tumblr, but oops. Anyway this is where I'm putting my Bellice oneshots, and I know I'm being optimistic about it only having this one and the one request I got.

Had a title for this, but forgot it. Anyway it's that overdone New Moon: Alice Comes Back trope.

No editing, we die like men

* * *

She'd always been depressed.

Well, since she could remember.

Since it mattered.

But she'd never been here.

Here, wind coming off the sea to whip her face with what felt like a thousand cuts as her hair was tossed around. Here, a small rock bouncing off her shoe and over the edge of the cliff to make its long descent to the waves.

Gone.

Over the edge.

Falling used to mean feeling, now it meant silence.

If she closed her eyes, and she did, she didn't exist. The thrill was gone. The light. Her. Everything. Perfect for the feeling inside.

The water swallowed her.

Bella emerged and stared up at the clouds blocking the sun, a vague sense of finality filling her, flowing in her veins.

Hope was poison, and it had ruined her.

* * *

Space was in her chest. It was expanding forever, pushing away all she ever was or thought to be and scattering her remains. Lights from long-dead stars filled her eyes.

It wasn't that she'd tried to do what had been on her mind lately, but she wouldn't have minded if the ocean liberated her from the shell of her soul.

Jake was there this time and pulled her to safety after the waves had been particularly brutal and a rock tried to cave in her skull.

Was a constant lack of desire to live safe, though?

No. Not for her, for Charlie, for Jake.

But you can't live your life for other people.

"Probably should've gotten checked for a concussion, huh," she asked the empty cab of her truck at a stoplight.

No answer.

"Probably."

That was another thing. She didn't consider them anymore. What they would want or worry about. Now she just talked to herself about things.

Maybe, in a way, that was healing.

Okay, so she literally almost died and didn't care either way but recovery wasn't exactly a straight, beaten path with helpful guides along the way.

She was doing fine.

A grey sedan on her street made her eyes try to pop out her head.

She was not fine.

Still, she pulled around Carlisle's car, because she knew for a fact it was his car, and into her driveway like it was a regular day and like her heart wasn't rapid. Absolutely a regular day where her hands weren't shaking so bad she dropped her keys when she got out her truck.

The lights of the house were still off. She locked the door and let her eyes search the dark.

As if she could do something against a vampire anyway?

A habit she'd recently taken from Charlie kicked in and she tossed her keys onto the kitchen table so that they slid across it and into the wall.

That couldn't have been Carlisle's car.

The Cullens were gone.

The hope in her chest was gone.

She was barely aware of the sigh she heaved because she'd done it too many damn times in the past few months. Her whole life was made of sighs and sobs and nights wide awake.

Hand out in the semi dark, she snagged her gatorade off the counter and kept on walking, ready to faceplant into her bed until tomorrow.

So what it wasn't even five in the afternoon?

It was in passing the threshold to the living room hallway by the stairs that a light shape in the darkness exactly past the doorframe made Bella shriek. Her gatorade bounced off of it and she fumbled along the wall she'd crashed against until she found the light switch.

All 5'2" of Alice Cullen stood there with black, unblinking eyes. Her lips were parted and her entire body was still. Frozen.

"Nice scarf." Alright so maybe she was actually in a hospital bed in a fucking coma from that rock hitting her head.

And just like that, Alice came back to life. Sort of. She didn't breathe or blink, but she did reach up and touch her scarf. It was white like her shirt and jacket, though it had a grey trim.

Totally, completely, not at all what a normal person said after not seeing someone for months.

Nope.

Bella finally regained some of her senses and stood up properly instead of looking like a startled gremlin against a wall. Rubbing her shoulder, she noticed her bottle on the floor and pointed in its direction. "Sorry about that. Scared me."

Black eyes were focused on Bella like she might not really be there or she might vanish if Alice blinked. She halfway gestured to the kitchen. "I was coming but...I couldn't decide, I couldn't make a decision, so I wasn't sure. I didn't know." She stopped.

Bella leaned around the doorframe to look into the kitchen. "I mean, I was right there. You could've just, you know, said 'hey, Bella,' and gone from there."

"I couldn't see your response because I couldn't decide. I couldn't see." Black eyes blinked just to move away, but only for a moment. "I saw you die. I saw you k—" She clapped a hand to her mouth and her eyes shined in the light.

And Bella realized she'd already been crying. After all this time, after all this pain, after all this nothing, the concept of this small vampire being anything other than upbeat set off alarms in her head. Instinct brought her forward.

Instinct had her wrapping her arms around her friend and losing a hand in wild hair. The stillness of Alice made Bella realize tucking a hungry vampire's face into her neck was not a smart idea, but it didn't matter to her. She rocked them from side to side a little, surprised Alice was allowing it.

Then a sob shook Alice and she latched onto Bella so tightly she wheezed. A hundred apologies fell from her lips and a hundred more followed.

She didn't stop no matter how much Bella shushed her.

"Ali."

She pulled away just enough to cup Bella's cheeks and press her cold forehead against a much warmer one. Her eyes were closed. "Were you...Did you really—"

"I wouldn't have minded," Bella said honestly, plainly. She felt the tremor run through Alice's body but she just studied a paler face. The bags under Alice's eyes were obscene. "But no. Recreational cliff jumping with a side of I Hope This Kills Me. Waves were too bad for it but I didn't care. Hit my head on a rock, got a little disoriented. Jake pulled me out."

Alice's shoulders sagged a bit and she opened her eyes. "You went black because of a damn wolf, not because you died."

Strange as it was considering their proximity, Bella nodded.

"I miss you." She ran a thumb back and forth across Bella's cheek. "I miss you so much and you should be so pissed at me but you're letting me be here. I miss it. I miss you. I miss this."

When Alice lightly bounced her forehead against hers, Bella raised an eyebrow. This was new. This was something they'd never done.

This would've made her heart race once upon a time.

And yet. "My life is incredibly dull without the current that is Alice Cullen."

The vampire's eyes lightened just a shade, or maybe Bella imagined it. "My life is incredibly horrid without the mess that is Bella Swan."

It struck her as odd, but she just straightened up and out of Alice's touch to huff and look away. "Yeah, I'm a mess."

"I could literally apologize forever. And I would if you asked it of me. Whatever you want."

Bella stuck her hands in her pockets and sighed. "It's okay—Well, no, it's not. But I get it. Or maybe I don't. But the why of it doesn't matter anymore. I've accepted it."

Alice had clasped her hands in front of herself and taken to staring at them. "The final stage of grief. Next you move on."

For the first time in a long time, in maybe ages or lifetimes, something other than a dumb comment from Jake or a lame joke from Charlie made Bella laugh. "Oh, no. I promise you I am a total wreck. I'm not even sure I'm graduating."

The amusement Bella felt was not shared by Alice and she nearly slapped herself for the distressed look she'd caused.

"But I'm better! I'm doing better. I ate a box of eggos today. The whole box!"

Alice swallowed heavily and her smile didn't suit her, didn't reach her eyes. Her laugh was too airy, too short. "How does cardboard taste?"

"Hey, fuck you, okay. I'll eat cardboard if I want."

"Strawberry?"

A short nod preluded Bella rocking back and forth on her feet. "You know me, Ali."

"Do you miss me?"

She'd said it in such a rush Bella almost missed it. But even if she hadn't heard it, she felt it. She knew it in her bones because the very look in dark eyes had been reflected back at her in her bathroom mirror on far too many days.

Bella was quiet, serious. "More than life itself."

Wow, way to not sound like you'd started falling for your best friend at some point.

"I miss you the same." She looked over her shoulder before reaching for Bella's hand, but she ultimately just dropped her hand to her own side. "Can we sit?"

Bella made a point to keep eye contact as she took a cold hand in her own and their fingers laced together automatically. As they walked down the hall to the living room, Bella tried to remember the last time she held someone's hand.

It did not enter her memory that she'd held Edward's or been bruised in his anxious grip.

They sat casually on the loveseat and the minute squeeze of her hand told Bella that Alice wasn't ready to let go. Which was fine except for how the vampire kept fidgeting.

"I'll be here, dude. Go hunt or something."

Alice's head snapped up so fast it made Bella blink rapidly. "I won't hurt you."

"Uh, okay, but I don't want you here," she felt the grip on her hand tighten, "hurting because you need to get your snack on."

"I'm okay. Really."

"You have the brightest fucking eyes and I miss them."

Alice cocked her head with a far too serious expression. "Do I really? Do you?"

"Oh, get going already. I'll be in my room." She wiggled her hand when Alice wouldn't budge or let go and eventually looked up. A cold spike went through her chest, but she kept it off her face. "Or are you not coming back?"

Alice's gaze dropped to their hands. "What do you want?"

It was something only Alice had done, and only a few times at that, but it seemed like the best answer, the easy answer. Bella leaned forward to kiss her cheek before standing and shaking her hand free. "I love you, Ali."

And as she left behind the stationary vampire to go up the stairs, she knew it was true.

However deep that went or could go, Alice Cullen was the best friend she had ever had.

* * *

She'd showered, changed clothes, put a bunch of clothes to wash in her anxious rush of cleaning up her room somewhat, and now she was here. Stomach going off as she sat at her desk, her forehead was pressed against one of her textbooks. The candle she'd lit was the only thing keeping her grounded at this point.

And she'd forgotten to take out all the soda cans and gatorade bottles, damn.

Her head bounced off the textbook with a groan.

The door swung open and Bella jumped, slipping off her chair. Her foot kicked against her desk, sending something skidding off, and she wound up getting tangled in the legs of her chair so that it bumped her knee once she hit the ground.

"Son of a _bitch_." Bella rolled her head about her shoulders until there was a satisfying pop and sighed. The smell of pizza made her look over at her unusually quiet intruder.

"Oh." Alice started breathing and blinking bright eyes again. "Sorry. I just, I missed you. And look at you, trying to murder your desk with your body alone. Or was it the chair? Or maybe the floor?"

"Ha ha, get your laughs in. That's why you pulled a Rosalie?"

A small, honest laugh filled the room like a sun rising after a stormy night as Bella untangled herself and worked to get to her feet. "No, no. Rose watches your 'failings' because she's a sadist and you don't mind. I watched because I needed the reassurance you're really here and I'm really here. Besides, you know I prefer being your knight in shining armor."

When Alice winked at her, something warm settled in Bella's chest. Something alive. She ran a hand through her hair. "I think your visions help you cheat, though. You _always_ beat Edward to me and it made him so whiny." Seeing Alice's face change made her choke on her laugh. "What's with the pizza?"

And Bella's stomach took that as an opportunity to scream its desires.

Affection and sadness clashed to create a strange half-smile on Alice's face as she finally entered the room. Though, she didn't sit or anything. "You've lost weight. I got your favorite."

"As I recall, my favorite is shaving years off my life and you actually hear my arteries cry." Bella flopped onto her bed and patted it. No, she wasn't going to touch that topic.

Alice took the invitation, setting the pizza between them. "Yes, well, that was the joke, considering you're going to live forever. Shoot! Forgot your drink. I'll be right back."

She took a second to just blink at the space where Alice used to be, even after the front door closed.

It wasn't past tense.

To Alice, she was still going to become a vampire and be around.

She was in Alice's future still. A part of it. A part of Alice's life. Nothing had taken away from that.

Tears pricked at her eyes, but she just blinked them away. She put a blanket over the pizza to keep it hot and curled up next to it.

The next thing she knew was a cold finger poking her cheek. Opening her eyes confirmed Alice was there, an idle smile on her face.

"You can sleep after you eat, okay?"

Just the act of sitting up had her back popping. She rubbed her face. "How long were you gone?"

"Fifteen minutes maybe? Most of it was because of a line, ugh. Jerry's was understaffed again, no surprise."

Slowly, suspicion crawling up her gut and spreading across her face, Bella raised an eyebrow.

Alice was simply Alice, all smiles and zero regret. She partially rolled over to grab a gallon of juice before whipping the blanket off the pizza. "Dinner is served!"

Her favorite.

Also her go to for when she was having a bad day. A pizza with a fuck-me-up amount of cheese, pepperoni, and bacon and some berry medley-flavored juice.

"I missed your smile."

"This is why we're best friends, Alice. This is why." She'd crossed her legs under herself and begun setting up her space for optimal noms when something clicked in her mind. "What did you say?"

Cold fingers touched the corner of her mouth before moving under her chin to turn her to Alice and her open eyes. "I said I missed your smile. Are we still best friends?"

"We pinky-promised, which is a solemn oath in Alice Land."

There was something in the way Alice's face softened, in the way her eyes seemed deeper in that moment. She didn't know what it was, but she knew it'd never been directed at her before.

It did, however, remind her of hope.

She averted her eyes to fiddle with her juice. "Why a gallon, though?"

"I figured you'd eat and sleep and eat again, so I wanted to be sure you had enough."

"While you do what?"

Alice fluffed the pillow she'd claimed. "What I want or expect?" She froze for a second, just a breath, a moment, like she hadn't meant to be so honest.

"Both," Bella said as she selected a slice.

"I expect to go to the house and dust and be bored and wait for you and think about how I wasn't supposed to be seen by anyone, oops."

She nodded once. "Right, because the Cullens are gone."

"Shit! I'm going to be the _death_ of Esme."

She blurred off before Bella could ask and she only caught tidbits as Alice talked to herself.

"Where did I...Clearly God isn't real because Esme deserves _one_ kid who doesn't stress her heart...I see the future, how does this even happen?"

There was something else Bella couldn't catch before Alice made Bella forget to chew before swallowing by just appearing on the bed again.

"I was supposed to call Esme after I got here. It's been hours, Bella, hours! She must be too afraid to call, to ask," she trailed off, mumbling to herself as she turned on the phone.

Bella took a swig of her drink. Something inside of her was shifting, shaking off the dust and dirt and strengthening, gaining purpose. She took the phone just as Alice called.

The answer was nearly instant, and such a rush of speech Bella had no hope of ever understanding. But she knew Esme's voice even then. "Hey, Mom."

A sob broke out across the line.

She hadn't known what she was going to say. But she wasn't going to hesitate or second-guess anymore and maybe she'd never called the vampire that before, but that's what Esme was.

And sitting here next to Alice, feeling the most herself in her entire life, feeling the most at ease, she wasn't letting anyone she cared about slip her grasp again.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. Wiped at the ocean of tears ready to spill from her eyes that had been drowning her soul.

Esme's voice cracked as she said Bella's name slow enough for her to hear just once. Then she was gone in a rush of words again, lost to them like an undercurrent or the force of a dam giving way.

Not a single word stood out to Bella, but she understood.

Eventually, a couple hours later after the call was over, the rest of the pizza sat on Bella's desk and her juice had been safely stored in the fridge.

Alice hadn't sat back down from her journey to the kitchen and it made Bella feel tired.

It made her feel determined.

"You told me what you expected, but not what you wanted."

Hesitation moved Alice's hands without purpose and made her gaze wander. Her mouth was moving but no words were coming out.

It all struck Bella as a single thought that made her twitch backward and blink a little faster. She looked more closely at her best friend.

Alice Cullen was nervous.

She patted the bed again and didn't even get to retract her hand because suddenly Alice was there and holding her hand in both of her own. Golden eyes were focused there as a cold finger ghosted over her knuckles.

It occurred to Bella that something had changed in Alice. Either she'd been holding back or this was just a shift in their dynamic. Bella had learned a long time ago that Alice was touchy and adjusted to it as it came, but this was softer somehow.

The confidence in her movements and little, barely there sighs she let out each time she did something like this made Bella think it was the former.

And that stupid part of her whispered maybe Alice felt this pull too, that they were actually mates.

But she crushed that thought even as it surfaced.

Alice loved Jasper.

She cleared her throat. "Come on, I'm getting old over here."

The pressure on her hand doubled and bright eyes jumped to hers. "Can we cuddle?"

It...was more of a shout than a question.

Bella's gay heart thumped and she cursed it. "Uh, how?"

Apparently all it took for Alice to relax was for Bella to be dumb. She flicked Bella's forehead. "Well, it's usually done with a couch or a bed and two people being close."

People cuddled platonically. That was normal.

"No. Like, logistically."

Alice tilted her head a fraction. Her eyes had that depth again that made something shift inside of Bella. "Well, what are your preferences?"

"No clue. Cuddled Jake once, but that's because we fell asleep during a movie and the bastard wouldn't give up a damn inch of the blanket he didn't need."

For a moment, Alice's eyebrows pinched together like she wanted to ask about Edward, but she didn't. Instead she let go of Bella's hand to press on her shoulder for her to lie down. Then she huffed at Bella being stiff as a board and lifted her arm to nestle her head on a warm shoulder. She curled up against Bella a bit and threw her arm over her stomach. "How's this? Well, how is this after you put your arm down and remember to breathe?"

Even for her grumbling and vague cursing, Bella settled her arm around Alice's shoulders and wiggled just a little. She managed to get a hold of the blanket with her fingertips and pulled it over them.

"Rethinking this, I forgot I'm too cold." But she didn't move.

"Nah, it's well, it, you're fine. You're not as cold as Edward. I missed you too, Alice."

She gave a gentle squeeze, taking a deep breath and letting it out as a soft sigh. "I missed you, Bella."

A hum was her only answer. For the second time that day, sleep rushed to her like it hadn't in ages. Bella shook it off enough to partially open her eyes. "What are you going to do while I, while I sleep?"

"This," Alice sighed.

"Mm. Okay."

She'd nearly left the realm of the awake when she heard Alice's whisper.

"We can fix this, can't we? Do you even want to?"

She squeezed Alice's shoulders.

* * *

It'd been a week and Alice had only just stopped looking at her like she might start yelling. All of her make-up work she'd had was done, courtesy of a small vampire. Now she was just handing in some of it at a time to avoid being suspicious. Her phone had been set to vibrate for days. It was something that made her eyes drift from Alice's when it went off and she didn't look at it.

Last she checked, she had 57 notifications from Jake.

The tone of the kitchen didn't shift with the song as her music went from somber rock to pop.

She wasn't being a good person, a good friend. But, god, she didn't look forward to that fight. Maybe she was a coward and maybe she was okay with that for now.

"What's wrong?"

The end of a sigh she hadn't realized she was doing left her as Alice drifted to her side. Still, she didn't look up from the soapy pot in her hands. "Nothing."

She could feel Alice's frown.

Then there was a second of silence as her music stopped and her phone vibrated, shook itself like a scream. Resignation pulled at Bella's lips as she stared down at it alongside Alice. It was the first time she'd left it facing up, just so she could skip songs easily, so it was the first time Alice saw who she'd been ignoring.

"I see."

There was something so utterly unlike Alice in her voice that Bella had to prove this wasn't a thing. That nothing was wrong. That whatever she was thinking wasn't true.

It took a few taps and a small slap to answer the call since she hadn't bothered to dry off her hand. Somehow, she brought it to her ear and met the dark eyes on her with a steady expression and voice. "Hey."

Why was Alice staring like that?

" _Hey? Are you serious? 'Hey Jake, I haven't been ignoring you, what's up?' Are you shitting me?_ "

"No." She set the pot in the sink without looking away from the _something_ in Alice's eyes and grabbed a towel to dry her hands. "Needed some time."

" _Oh yeah? You just needed some time? Needed to water your plants and_ — _Whatever. You home?_ "

"Yes, but I suggest you turn around. I'll come by later—"

" _Too late, I'm on your street._ "

Bella looked at her phone after he hung up and nodded once. She didn't blame him. Her gaze moved back to Alice. "Do you wanna go?"

She trusted her to understand it wasn't a dismissal or a request. She trusted her to know it was honest, that she didn't feel the need to hide anything.

"No."

Bella opened the door by the time he'd parked and turned off his truck.

His nostrils flared and his eyes darted around the house as he strode up the driveway.

She gave a small sigh, but didn't move from the doorway.

Really, anyone else's instincts would've had them running out the back door. The air in the kitchen felt colder with Alice's mood, something close to danger. Or perhaps it was dangerous and Bella just had trouble thinking of her as such. A shaking shifter barged up her porch stairs and he clearly expected her to move because he walked straight into her.

She stumbled back with a grunt she couldn't help and bounced off the door as it hit the wall. Alice had moved, maybe even hissed, and Jacob had completely forgotten Bella existed as he glared down at Alice. But Bella just moved between and waited because he would cut her off the second she opened her mouth.

There were tight lines around his eyes and he swiped a hand across his forehead like he was sweating. "Are you serious? This is why? This is why you've 'needed time?' He comes back and you go crawling—"

For a second, she saw double. For a second, she saw red.

Her fingertips caught the edge of the door. Then she had a grip on it. His mouth was still moving and somewhere in the back of her mind, she was aware of Alice saying her name.

Bella slammed the door against Jacob so hard the wood caved in.

Shock filled his eyes while anger flooded hers.

"Bella."

She didn't hear Alice. Her heart was beating in her ears.

" _That's_ what you think of me? You think I would do that to myself? Damn, Jake, I know I've wanted to die but at least I respect myself!"

His hands moved in front of himself as his eyes darted between Bella and the vampire just behind her. "That's not what I said. I didn't—"

"Think?" She scoffed. "Clearly. I don't know or care where Edward is. To be honest with you, half the time I never did. He was pretty and tolerable and more depressed than me."

"What?" His eyebrows pinched together and he rubbed his forehead before repeating himself, "What?"

"What kind of fucking jump is that, anyway? You see Alice so you assume not just that Edward's here, but that I'm with him? Like nothing happened? Do you not remember how much I love Alice? She's my best friend, Jake—"

" _I'm_ your best friend!"

"—And! And, and I needed time to sort myself out and figure out how best to talk to you about this. But look at my fucking door!" She jabbed a finger through the air at the ruined front door, but the action caused her wrist to pop and she winced with a curse.

Alice came around to seize her hand, uncaring about how Jacob took to shaking at her proximity. She turned Bella's hand over, ran her fingers over her wrist.

"What the fuck is that?"

"What the fuck is what, Jake?" She'd snapped it at him before he'd even closed his mouth and she felt a little childish about it, but she didn't care. Alice's touch felt colder than usual, and it felt good.

"It's the end of my patience."

The air in Bella's lungs was stolen from her so suddenly she choked. Alice had sounded every bit as cold as Rosalie Hale could, and the abyss of fury Bella caught a glimpse of as that gaze moved away from her hand and to Jacob made her heart do something painful.

"You were a yipping little dog and made Bella dislocate her wrist."

"What?" His voice had went up a couple octaves. He leaned down and looked as Alice turned Bella's hand over.

The bone on the outside of her wrist was raised much higher than it should've been.

"Fuck. Fuck I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't put bones back in place," Alice hissed. "Here I was telling myself I would be cordial to you because you've been here for Bella and I appreciate that, but now I'm rather inclined to crushing your face on the sidewalk."

Bella's heart was practically shaking her whole body. Except, when she reached out to press against Jacob, she saw her hand actually was trembling. "Oookay! See you later. And when I say 'later,' I mean later. So drive home safe."

Even her voice was trembling.

"Bella—"

"I said to drive safe!"

The door didn't close behind him the first time. He had to partially open and lift it to get it to close properly.

Bella swallowed and, as they heard Jacob's truck crank up, told herself she couldn't keep just...not looking at Alice. Alice, who had yet to release her hand.

It really wasn't fair that the beat of her heart wasn't private. But maybe it could be chalked up to what had happened instead of Alice herself.

But, damn, since when did Alice affect her this severely? Was this always possible? Before, when she'd been containing herself and fixating on Edward?

"We should get you to the hospital."

It was automatic, looking at Alice when she spoke. And her eyes were still black, still furious, but her touch was gentle as ever as it cooled her skin. Bella cleared her throat. "Ah, nah. Just, you know, pop it back in."

There was no way to navigate Alice's refusal without further upsetting her, and Bella's heart beat faster at the concept.

"Bella, this is not a scrape. You need to take care of it."

She rubbed the back of her neck, nodding, and looked around the kitchen. "True, true. But, hm. It pops out of place pretty often nowadays."

"Excuse me?"

"Usually when it's kinda bad I have Jake or Leah do it."

Alice stepped into her space then, and the breath she was taking froze in her chest.

The wallpaper above the fridge was peeling.

Cold fingers touched her jaw, turned Bella's head so that she had to look down at Alice. She was so incredibly close, more open and honest than she ever had been since they met. There was the soft concern of Alice Cullen. There was the disquiet of an angered vampire.

She could feel Alice breathing.

"What are you about to tell me that I won't like?"

Bella had to bite her tongue to keep from asking what that was in Alice's voice that made it so quiet and so different. She swallowed. Wished she could look away from black eyes and wondered why they didn't disturb her. "I'm about to tell you I wrecked my wrist after punching Jake in the face."

The line of Alice's jaw sharpened as she clenched her teeth.

Even though it hadn't been voiced, Bella could hear the question. "We barbequed and walked along the beach and he told me a joke. I thought we were having a nice time and forgetting about the bad day we'd had. He thought we were having a nice date and kissed me. I was so shocked I swung. He was pulling away so instead of breaking my hand, I terribly dislocated my wrist."

It took a minute for Alice to unclench her teeth. She took a deep breath. "You're right. I definitely don't like that."

"It was a miscommunication we cleared up. It's okay."

Alice sighed, and softened, as if the anger left her with that breath. Then her fingers moved from Bella's jaw to splay across her cheek. "What am I going to do with you?"

Something caught in her throat, so Bella only made a noise. What she almost said, she didn't know, and whatever she felt in this moment she wasn't sure how to express. Or if she should. But she did know that Alice, at least right now, was so beautiful it physically hurt. So she tried to laugh, but it came out as a nervous chuckle. "Pop my wrist back into place?"

Alice pursed her lips.

"Please?"

Black eyes dropped to where she had yet to let go of Bella. She murmured, "It might hurt. Maybe a lot."

"I know. I'm ready for it."

"I don't know if _I'm_ ready for it."

The cold left her face to cradle her wrist instead and she watched Alice sigh.

What would have happened if she never had Edward as a buffer for Alice?

Alice's grip turned firm and her thumb hovered over the dislocation. "Ready?"

"Yup." She held her breath and waited for the pain to come, but Alice never moved. "Do you want me to do it myself? It's okay."

"No! No. I just…"

"It's not like I'd hold the pain against you, Alice."

"I know that." She looked at Bella's expression with her lip between her teeth. "What if I press too hard?"

"I trust you."

As Alice searched her eyes, Bella offered a smile. Pressure came to her wrist hard and fast and Bella couldn't help her hiss of pain as her lip curled. She pulled out of Alice's grasp and shook out her hand, jaw clenching and unclenching over and over. "Hot damn, that's the pop of the fucking month. Shit."

Bella rolled her shoulders and went to run her hand through her hair, but Alice caught it. She stared at their hands as she flattened her palm against Bella's and started lacing their fingers together in the air between them. After a moment, an eternity, after a dozen questions tried and failed to form on Bella's tongue, Alice pulled their hands close to herself and kissed her wrist.

"I'm sorry."

Black eyes were so deep she could drown, and she didn't mind as she fell into them.

She felt something as she did.

* * *

The wind had Bella's hair doing crazy things, but her face was peaceful as she stared off at the horizon. Another warm front was in as spring came quietly, so it was nice to relax on the hood of a car on a hill. It'd occurred to Alice that this could be considered romantic and she honestly didn't know if she'd set it up intentionally on some subconscious level.

She wondered, if it was summer in a place that actually got hot, would Bella be doing the same thing, but in a tank top and faded jeans and sunglasses? Leaning back on her hands on the hood of a car without a care in a world?

Maybe.

But she was more than okay with this. Almost the same thing, but Forks weather and a button up over a plain tee instead of a tank top.

"When'd you start wearing v-necks?"

Bella looked at her then, a furrowed brow and distant eyes. "That wasn't even on the list of things I expected you to say."

True, she had planned to ask if Bella was okay. The rest of the family had come back and after five minutes of tense silence and Esme holding back tears, Bella insisted they watched a movie and sat next to Esme and just kind of let the vampire hold onto her hand the whole time like she might disappear.

Alice had been too distracted by comforting Emmett to notice Edward beelining toward Bella's other side, but Rosalie beat him there and crossed her legs, daring him to say something.

There was still a ways to go, but Bella really did seem okay. Tired, but okay.

"I was on the Rez and got something on my shirt. Leah offered me one of hers and introduced me to the magical world of men's v-necks, where you can look nice and feel comfy and still have sleeves and not have it cut down into your cleavage."

"Well, you're beautiful."

That definitely was not a simple compliment on her shirt.

Bella's head whipped back forward as if she'd been slapped. Her heart was beating a little faster, but she'd always been awkward so that wasn't much of anything to go on. Then she surprised Alice with a laugh. "I rolled out of bed at four in the afternoon and put on the clothes I had on a chair in the dark. If I look beautiful, you clearly look drop dead gorgeous."

While Bella seemed content with what she'd said, as if there wasn't more to say, or something changing with that little confession, Alice couldn't stop staring at her.

A soft sigh moved Bella's shoulders. "There's this spot in Phoenix. It made me unable to choose between sunrise and sunset. You'd love it."

Alice scooted closer just in time for the wind to shoot Bella's hair off to the other side and pressed a kiss to Bella's cheek just a heartbeat longer than she usually did. She laid her head against Bella's shoulder with a hum. "You should show me one day."

* * *

She was going to graduate. Everyone was buzzing about colleges, but Bella just wanted to breathe. She wanted to leave. The hole in her chest was expanding today by miles and miles.

And that was before Edward had tried to have a conversation with her for the thousandth time in class. They'd...started talking, after many failed attempts and more than a few arguments. Each time it was stilted and held a sort of tension, but progress was progress.

A laugh interrupted her thoughts and she blinked as the reality of the cafeteria set in again. She reached up to adjust the volume on her earbuds. She'd sat alone for a reason, yet she still had to hear someone cheer about their acceptance letter.

While crossing her arms, she kicked her feet up on another chair and threw her head back to stare at the ceiling. Her eyes slid closed after a couple songs.

The anger in her chest tore the hole deeper, poked at old scars and pulled still-closing wounds.

A suggestion he'd already made once since coming back had been on the tip of his tongue today, and it made her irrational. They never were and never would be mates. But if he felt they could still try, was the hope blossoming in her chest useless? Alice and Jasper had broken up after they all left and stayed completely platonic this whole time. And she could almost swear the look in Alice's eyes was the same as what she'd felt in the dark, alone, on too many nights.

Longing.

Some days felt like miles of moving forward and some days felt like she was staring into the dark with burning eyes.

Something thumped against the table and Bella popped out of her seat for a second, bumping her shin against the table. She frowned at the textbook before looking up to see Alice coming her way. Earbuds out, she brought down her legs and sat up, frown still on her face even though there was a smile directed at her. "Wh—"

Alice sat on her lap and settled her arms around her shoulders.

And Bella felt like one of those anime characters who suddenly shot blood out their nose with the force of a damn train. It took a second for her to focus her eyes again and she realized she had yet to actually close her mouth. Her teeth slammed together. Slowly, almost painfully, she dragged her gaze and tried not to notice the beginning of eyes on them until she met gold eyes.

Like the innocent person she definitely wasn't, Alice tilted her head with something close to a pout. "Are you okay? You look like you do when you're about to dissociate."

"Maybe." It sounded like a question.

"Maybe you're dissociating or maybe you're okay?"

Bella's palms were starting to sweat, but she couldn't exactly run them across her jeans with Alice in her lap. She also couldn't just keep sitting there with her hands in the air. Her eyes darted to Alice's to check her mood and back down at her hands before she did a double-take. But the glint of mischief, the ache, the look of hunger, whatever it was Bella had seen in gold eyes wasn't there anymore.

Once upon a time she would've written it off.

Now, however, she cleared her throat and settled a hand halfway up Alice's thigh and messed with the hem of her shirt with her free hand. She'd almost thought there was no change in gold eyes, but she saw a flicker of something, and she couldn't help responding to it. "Maybe both."

Alice matched her whispered tone with a small quirk of her eyebrow. "How both?"

"Maybe I'm a step away from dissociating but maybe I'm also okay since you're here." Her gaze drifted and she found herself squeezing Alice's thigh. "Sometimes I use cold or heat to ground myself and your temperature's good for that."

"I'm fond of your temperature too." The crinkles around her eyes from her smile faded as she moved her hands to brush some of Bella's hair away from her face. "I'll miss it. If you still—If you want," she stopped herself and didn't meet Bella's eyes.

"Hey."

Alice hummed but still didn't look at her and she seemed exceptionally small then.

"Let's go."

Alice, being Alice, didn't object to skipping school and simply held onto Bella's hand as they left the cafeteria.

About an hour later, Bella's mood was significantly better.

Music played in the background like it almost always did whenever they just relaxed. Bella had a leg hanging off the bed and swung her foot back and forth as she stared at the ceiling without seeing it. She had an arm tucked under her head on Alice's thigh as the vampire sat against her headboard. Really, Bella heard the scratch of her pen in her sketchbook more than she did the songs filling the air.

"Moments like these feel like eternity."

The pen stopped. Then, "I agree."

Honesty shook Bella's insides and she swallowed. "I could do this forever with you."

She felt Alice's leg tense and she tensed along with her, and she didn't relax even after Alice did. Alice's pen clicked and there was a small rustle of paper before the sketchbook appeared in front of her face.

Bella relaxed then. Struck, awed and something else as she swallowed down her heart. Her eyes had moved over it like it would catch fire any second and she'd never see it again, but she still couldn't process it.

With her free hand, she reached up and took it.

The page held an unfinished drawing with ink still drying in one area. It was from yesterday. It was her. They were sitting across from each other in class and Alice had said something sweet and funny while Bella was writing something. She'd refused to look up at Alice and her smile and was biting her lip in a failed attempt to suppress her own smile.

"I could, too," Alice said softly.

Bella turned her head to meet gold eyes and saw so much reflected back at her that she felt in her chest. She held up her hand and Alice pressed their palms together. Their fingers fell into place like they'd done it for a lifetime.


	2. Crush: Part One

**A/N:** Happy belated birthday to the angel known as firenubs!

(I'll update Black Star this month, please stop asking, guys, omg)

* * *

The handle of the sliding door came off in her hand and she dropped her gaze to stare at it as she crushed it. Bits and pieces and dust fell between her fingers.

Rosalie drifted into the kitchen, silent aside from a click of her tongue.

Alice clenched her fist tighter and realized she was doing the same with her jaw, but she couldn't stop. She was holding herself together by threads, so she couldn't afford to let go. Her fist shook in Rosalie's direction and more of the remains of the door handle sprinkled to the floor. "I hate the way I feel!"

Rare—and all the more painful because of it—pity worked its way onto Rosalie's face and tugged at her mouth. She came around the island counter to stand in front of Alice without a word and grabbed her wrist to pull her across the threshold. Then, Rosalie pushed the door closed and used her other hand to unfurl Alice's fingers. She brushed the debris from Alice's hand with a sigh. "No. You don't."

"I do! I hate everything about this!"

"Everything?"

Alice's shoulders sagged and her eyes began to shine.

Rosalie arched an eyebrow.

"I hate...this. I'm just her friend."

"Her best friend."

"Almost everyone in this house is her best friend, Rose!"

Sighing again, Rosalie fussed with fixing her collar. "It's different with you."

"Is it?"

* * *

With the literal future behind her eyelids, Alice held the front door open with a furrowed brow as she stared up at Bella. She almost leaned around her to see what she was holding behind her back. "Where are you going?"

Clearly and adorably self-conscious, Bella shifted her weight back and forth and reached up to adjust her glasses, all the while never actually looking at Alice. "Get dressed. Literally. Like. Put on a dress."

Alice could hear Emmett snickering, but the lines on her forehead just deepened. "You want me to put on a dress."

"Yes."

Gold eyes raked over Bella, making her gaze dart around again.

The disaster known as Bella Swan with more holes in a single pair of jeans than she actually _owned_ pants was well-dressed. Black slacks and a matching vest over a white button-up. The sleeves were rolled up surprisingly neatly for once and, for just a moment, Alice got hung up on the crescent-shaped scar on her arm. Then her gaze jumped up in time to see Bella adjusting her glasses.

She could see the future and she was entirely lost.

"Put on a dress," Bella repeated. She finally brought her hand from behind her back and revealed a white-knuckled grip on several ties. "These are your options to coordinate with."

Alice's eyes dropped to the ties before moving back to Bella's face.

"I could...buy another color?"

"No! No. The colors are fine."

But they were still just standing there and Alice had yet to let go of the doorknob.

From her room, Rosalie sighed.

Edward came in the back from his hunt.

Finally, Bella cleared her throat. "I'm going to chalk this up as a kind 'no' and go home and pretend—"

Alice grabbed her wrist and dragged her inside. To the stairs and up them and into her room, where she at last let go just to disappear into her closet.

The door clicked shut and the chair at the desk thumped against something before Bella sat down.

Tapping a finger to her chin as she prowled her own closet, Alice called, "I know I said you brought surprise into my life but I don't know how you blindsided me."

A chuckle. "I've been practicing."

At that, Alice couldn't help herself. In the blink of an eye, she had her hands on the desk and the back of Bella's chair as she bent to stare into wide eyes.

Bella's phone almost slipped out her grip. She swallowed.

Alice tilted her head. "Excuse me?"

Her breaths were slow—and maybe a little shallow—as she reached to push up her glasses and nearly touched Alice's face due to their proximity. However, she didn't do anything to increase the space between them.

"You know, that's why you go through them so fast. You won't stop wiggling the arm and stuff until it's ready to come off."

Bella rolled her eyes. "I didn't ask for your opinion. But you did ask me something?"

Humming, Alice nodded once and tapped her fingers on the desk. "I did."

As Alice tilted her head the other way, brown eyes moved away and back. "Alice."

She hummed again.

"You're doing that thing where you don't actually ask anything, you just kind of make it known you want to know something."

The beginning of a grin twitched about Alice's lips until she dragged her tongue across her fangs. A moment of her biting her lip. Then the grin was out in full force. Her voice was lower. "And you're doing that thing where you act like you don't know what I want. I know you know what I'm asking."

"I know you know that I know, but that doesn't change the fact that you're still doing it."

"And you would rather I be direct? Linear and predictable?"

Bella raised an eyebrow with an idle smile. "Commenting on your nature isn't the same as complaining. Time isn't any of those things, so why should you be?"

"I think you're conflating my psychic abilities with the actual concept of time."

Scoffing, Bella looked at her over her glasses. "And you don't?"

A sudden urge to lick Bella's lips made her twitch forward a fraction. She was hunting more often these days. But she just lifted her hand from the desk to tilt Bella's chin back up and it required _effort_ and nearly made the vampire in her growl, but she dropped her hand back to the desktop. "Maybe."

Bella stared at her, then. Stared and stared, but not really _at_ her. Bella was seeing her, and some part of Alice wished she would actually see what was in her heart.

"I don't really remember what you were asking, but at this rate we're going to be late."

"Liar," Alice murmured.

"Get dressed."

Alice chose blue.

* * *

It was some gala in Seattle, and they had made it on time. Although, that was only because of Bella speeding. The reasoning behind it was lost on Alice and it seemed most of the people in attendance were college kids who didn't care about it either. In fact, the older people were taking up one corner of the ballroom while sipping wine and throwing dirty looks at the rest of them.

They'd spent most of the time tucked by the wall, simply watching some of the performers—they were the only ones in their "age group" who really paid attention to the more classical acts—all while Bella knocked back nonalcoholic drinks like she'd never see a liquid again and peed twice.

As Bella disappeared and came back with yet another drink, it clicked to Alice that she'd been holding them in her left hand, on the side Alice had been on the entire time. She drifted to Bella's other side and, sure enough, so did Bella's drink.

She latched onto Bella's arm anyway and in no way whatsoever missed the fact Bella stiffened. But she just pulled on her a bit.

Drink halfway to her mouth, Bella lowered it and tilted her head. It took a second tug before she understood what Alice wanted. She ducked her head toward Alice.

She slid her hand up a warm neck to go into Bella's hair and pull her closer so that her ear was just shy of her lips. "How are you getting away with this?"

Bella straightened, mischief shaping her mouth even though she tried to wipe it away with her hand. She leaned down toward Alice's ear even though they both knew it wasn't necessary. "I told you. I've been practicing."

Alice hummed and plucked Bella's drink from her hand to take a sip. She handed it back with a raised eyebrow.

But Bella just took it to hide her grin behind it as she drank more and watched the performers.

Clearly, she'd figured out some way to selectively shut herself out of visions. Or... Something to that effect.

Bella handed off her empty glass to a waiter and leaned back down to Alice's ear. But she didn't say anything. This time, she straightened up with a curse and didn't meet golden eyes as she dragged a hand across her face.

Alice, however, had many things she could say. So she cupped Bella's cheek to pull her closer to be heard over the climax of the song. "Why did you bring me here?"

Fiddling with her collar, Bella mumbled something even Alice couldn't catch. That or she didn't really say anything coherent.

"Say again?"

Bella turned her head with a line between her eyebrows and had that thoughtful stare again. "You haven't been yourself," she said gently enough Alice wouldn't have been able to hear her if she was human. "You haven't been yourself since—since you guys...came back. You like these kinds of things so I wanted to cheer you up."

Alice bit her lip and looked away as Bella did the same, watching the performers give the stage over to another group.

"I'm not upset with you."

"I don't think you are," Alice whispered.

When Bella started to lean down for her to repeat herself, Alice pushed on her shoulder and shook her head. Honestly, she'd expected Bella to say it'd been before that. Because it had. But maybe she didn't want to call attention to it.

Or worse, she hadn't noticed.

A warm hand found hers and pulled, but Bella had to turn around and look at her with something Alice couldn't place since she didn't budge from where they'd stood. Bella jerked her head toward the dance floor and Alice frowned. Bella rolled her eyes, giving her hand a gentle tug.

Alice obliged.

After stopping in the middle, Bella faced her and adjusted her glasses. Smoothed her vest. Adjusted her glasses and smoothed her vest. Again.

Once Bella started to work on the fifth time of repeating this cycle, Alice slapped her hands down. "You're messing up your outfit." She started fixing Bella's collar and then took to straightening the knot of her blue tie. "You really never wore one before?"

Bella shook her head.

The simple answer made Alice roll her eyes because _of course_ Bella Swan had never worn a tie before. Alice would bet everything she owned that this was the nicest she'd ever dressed. Her eyes widened when Bella pretty much snatched her hands out the air instead of letting her drop them.

For an awful few seconds full of secondhand embarrassment, Bella's jaw worked but she didn't actually say anything. She let go of one of Alice's hands like it'd caught fire to run it through her hair and mess up the styling. "Dance with me?"

She had whispered it, which was something far less mortifying than _shouting_. And Alice had wholeheartedly believed for a moment that Bella was about to shout instead of just speak.

Then she actually processed it, frowning as she did. "You don't know how to dance."

"Is that a no?"

Alice caught her hand before she could ruin the style of her hair anymore than she already had and slid her other hand up Bella's arm to rest at her shoulder.

The depth of Bella's awkwardness reared its head as their fingers laced together and she moved her other hand to Alice's hip. Except, it hovered and moved away and her face turned just a shade darker before it hovered again and left and then finally settled on Alice's hip. It was contrary to the tight grip Bella initially had on her hand because she was a vampire with heightened senses and if she hadn't watched the poor girl's struggle, she might not have actually felt the touch.

Bobbing her head for a few notes, Bella found a place to start and began to lead.

Alice let her.

And Alice stared at her. Meanwhile, Bella did anything but look at her as her cheeks tinted pink as the song went on.

She was always doing this. Always letting Alice invade her space and drag her places and shake up her comfort zone. It'd gotten to the point she initiated it just to make Alice feel better.

But had Alice ever really put her first?

"I know I'm not great but I'm not terrible either."

She looked up in time to see Bella's gaze jump away. "No, no. It's not you." She almost sighed when Bella's jaw tightened, but then she was disrupting their rhythm by stopping short, confused. Bella gave her a little push and Alice let her twirl her. "You're great, actually."

Bella's hand settled back on her hip without hesitation this time. "Honestly, I'm doing better than I expected."

"I've decided that I absolutely hate surprises."

Instead of saying something, Bella let a wide smile come to her lips and it was one that reached her eyes, lighting them up despite the pressing darkness that was always in them. She gave a small, breathy laugh that made Alice's stomach twist. She at last shook her head a little. "You're just pouty."

"Maybe."

The song changed to a slower one and Alice didn't think. She was tired of thinking. So she stepped closer to Bella and laid her head on her shoulder and suppressed a purr at Bella's arms being around her. True, Bella had held her before and they'd hugged time and again, but this felt different. Intimate, in some way.

She turned her face toward Bella's ear. "Bella?"

A hum.

"Did you take classes just for this?"

"Yes and no." Her hand drifted up to adjust her glasses before falling back down to Alice. "No. I think no is the better answer."

A puff of air hit Bella's neck as Alice's response.

Before Bella could explain, she brought them to a stop because of someone tapping her shoulder. "What?"

He was blonde and well-kept, and a little awkward if one was going by his smile. His eyes darted to and from Alice's face every other second. "I was wondering—"

"No." Bella's lip curled as he looked ready to dispute her rude answer. "Fuck off. You aren't touching her."

Not a heartbeat later, Bella forgot he existed even though he hadn't walked away yet. She'd looked down at Alice with a tilted head and a question in her eyes.

Alice cut off her gentle purr and settled her head back on Bella shoulder. She wasn't breathing so it wouldn't be too tempting to start again and let Bella feel her chest vibrate as a giveaway. And she had zero intention of explaining she'd been pleasantly surprised by Bella's possessiveness.

"Ali?"

She closed her eyes as they swayed. "I'm sorry I'm so selfish."

"You're not."

Alice didn't say anything.

No one else approached them, but the air between them was still different. Bella was confused and thoughtful at best and Alice was simply troubled. But she couldn't let go. She never could.

"I'd apologize to her but that would be, like, a concession or something. Admitting defeat."

Her eyebrows knitted together and she lifted her head to look Bella in the eye. "What are you talking about?"

"She would step on my feet a lot and had the nerve to say it was an accident. Guess it helped prepare me."

"Who?"

"Oh." Bella blinked. "Rosalie. I asked her to teach me before you guys left."

It took an entire minute for Alice to process the information and she stopped moving. "Rose taught you to dance."

"Yeah. But she didn't actually agree until a few months ago. I still don't know what changed her mind."

"You danced with Rose."

"Yes? Are you okay?"

"I don't know how you could enjoy dancing with me, then."

Bella's hands fell to her sides and her eyebrows scrunched up as her gaze traveled around, showing the gears in her head turning. Another song started but they still didn't move. After someone bumped into her, brown eyes came back to Alice. "You're not making sense."

"It's fine. Do you still want to dance or do you want to go or drift back to the tables?"

"I'm still down to—" Bella blinked hard as her head jerked back toward Alice. "Wait are you saying you're not pretty enough to dance with? Because that's fucking crazy. Actually crazy, Alice."

She shrugged, arms still around Bella because she just _doesn't know how to let go_. "You and I both know she's drop-dead gorgeous. We all know it."

"You guys are two different types of beautiful and you shouldn't compare yourself to her." Bella rubbed the back of her neck before adjusting her glasses. She stared off and chewed her cheek for a second. "I mean, I get it, but you have to overcome that. Personally I can't put together being in the same room as her sometimes, even after all this time. I'm a goddamn gremlin compared to her. But she likes me or something."

"I think you're beautiful, Bells."

"See? It's arbitrary. You see _impossibly_ well and yet you can still say crap like that when you know Rosalie."

While Bella was shaking her head, Alice had to blink slowly to get past the urge to throttle her.

Her best friend was an absolute idiot. That or she was entirely disinterested in Alice, and Alice wasn't sure at the moment which was worse. Maybe both.

* * *

Alice frowned at the text. It'd been five whole minutes and she still hadn't managed to discern any meaning behind the string of key-smashes lighting up her room.

 _Are you okay?_

Not a minute later, she received another text full of gibberish. And that was enough for Alice.

She made it to Bella's house in under fifteen minutes and let herself in the front door. There was a clatter of silverware on tile and a deep curse before she made it through the entry hallway. She entered the kitchen with a raised eyebrow.

Bella was crouching, one arm heavily bracing herself against a cabinet as she picked up the silverware. Rather, as she attempted to, because when she picked up a second spoon or fork, she'd drop one of them by the time she got to the third one. Bella mumbled another curse and more so slumped against the cabinet than leaned against it as she gave it two more tries. "Fuck it." She pulled herself up with the aid of said cabinet and swayed.

Alice sniffed and found her answer.

Drunk, Bella tossed the silverware into the sink, creating a loud clatter as one of them bounced out and back onto the floor. She turned, then, and finally noticed Alice. Her eyes widened for all of two seconds before she just grinned. "H-Hey."

Gold eyes briefly dropped to Bella's chest like she could see an explanation for why her heart was beating so fast. "Hey yourself."

"Ooh, clever." Bella snorted. She moved toward the fridge, swaying as she did. She kicked her own feet but somehow managed not to trip and recovered her prize—juice.

At last, Alice finally moved, but her eyes never left Bella. She plucked a cup from the cabinet and held it out.

Bella accepted it without a word. The plastic hit the counter too hard and it entered Alice's mind that maybe she shouldn't pour her own juice. When Bella unscrewed the cap, she was too forceful and sent it flying toward the floor.

Alice caught it. She turned on the stove light and approached Bella almost cautiously, as if she was some stray animal. "Let me—"

But Bella hunched up the shoulder Alice was closest to as she turned and stepped away to the sink. "I can do it!"

Alice let her hand fall. She watched Bella start pouring a little too vigorously but she reeled it in so it didn't splash out the cup. She did, however, misjudge herself and pour some directly onto her hand when she meant to stop.

It was then that Alice considered Bella knew herself as a drunk because it seemed a little too responsible to do that over the sink the first time.

Bella slapped the water all the way on just to wash off her hand for maybe two seconds and shake it dry, oblivious to the frown directed her way. She took a sip and squinted at Alice. "So...why? Not that I don't, like, like you here but why are you? You know, h-here?"

"Your texts concerned me."

Nodding as she gulped some juice this time, Bella offered an understanding hum. "Garbage? Drinking—well, drinking too much—" Bella paused to giggle, though Alice had no idea why and was taken aback by the action alone, "mixes...badly with losing your glasses. Not that you would know."

"Where _are_ your glasses?"

"Angela's car, I think. I hope."

Uncertainty was weird for Alice, but it was very much present as she simply watched Bella and kept a distance greater than she normally did.

Bella finished her juice and set the cup down in a way that it fell over and rolled, but she didn't seem to care or just didn't notice. She swept her hair back and then dragged her hand across her eyes like she was trying to wipe water from them.

"Why are you drunk?"

Although Alice lurched forward to help, Bella managed to hop onto the counter to sit. She slapped her cup toward the sink and it was a miracle it made it. Her head bounced back against a cabinet and she closed her eyes. "Party at Jessica's. Ange didn't want to drink so I drank for her because teenagers don't understand what 'no' means...Especially drunk ones." Bella sighed and rubbed her neck as she moved her head, trying to pop something. "My tolerance isn't what it used to. What it used to _be_."

Alice did not join her in laughing. "Where's Charlie?"

"Billy's for the weekend."

After a minute or two of silence, Bella wiped at her eyes again and swept back her hair. She patted her hands around the space next to before discovering the jug of juice again and pushing it into the sink too. Then she brought her feet up and just laid on the counter and tossed an arm over her eyes.

"Do you want to go to bed?"

"I upset you," Bella mumbled.

"A little, but I kind of understand and think it was nice of you to do that for her. And I can always talk to you when you're sober."

Shaking her head, Bella made a noise. "No. Not this."

In the dim light, sharp eyes caught sight of tears slipping down Bella's face and into her hair and Alice's entire body twitched forward. But she didn't know what to do, much less what she wanted to do. She bit her lip. Took a step closer, and another. For the first time in her life, she reached for Bella slowly. Bella couldn't even see her to deny her, so cold fingers slipped into her hair. "I'm not upset with you."

"Liar."

It was such a simple accusation, made worse by the fact it was accompanied by a sob. A stab of pain went through Alice's heart at the sight of Bella pressing her hands to her face like it could stop her tears.

"I don't know what else to do. I don't know what I _did_."

"Bella, you didn't—"

She blindly slapped away Alice's hand. "Leave me alone like you probably will again!" Her hands fisted in her hair and her breath came out in a shaky whisper, "Just go. Leave me alone tonight. Please."

Again, Alice Cullen was selfish and left.

The next day, Bella woke up on the kitchen floor with a migraine and pain in her hip from the hard tile. She'd just finished washing her face and brushing her teeth when she frowned down at her text to Alice that she'd been proofreading off and on for the past twenty minutes. On her way to the closet, something hit her shoulder and drove her into the wall. A curse slipped from her lips just like her phone did from her hands and she looked up into the black eyes of Rosalie Hale.

"If I stay too long or be too definite she's going to catch wind of this and interrupt so shut up and listen."

Bella was silent for the two seconds Rosalie waited.

"I don't know what's up your asses, but I need you two to get your shit together. Stop being afraid. You stubborn idiots."

Bella tried to adjust glasses that weren't there. "I've tried!"

As opposed to offering something helpful, Rosalie sighed. Then she was gone.

* * *

It was the day after graduation and they still hadn't resolved whatever the issue was. If anything, it'd grown into an actual rift. One Bella could see in what didn't use to be forced smiles and hesitant, partial steps back and light hugs.

"Bella?"

She hadn't heard a word Jake had said and he deserved better than that. She opened her mouth to tell him so, but his lips twisted.

"You're thinking about that stupid leech aren't you? You're going to get back with him and let him murder you. After all of this?"

"I don't give a shit about Edward! When are you going to believe that?" It was true. She was drowning in feelings for her best friend instead, and it was killing her.

"When you stop smelling like death, maybe!"

She jerked her head back toward the sunset. Once, she would've wished they were still enjoying a conversation on a log at the beach, but Bella had changed since coming to Forks. Her hands fisted at her sides, bouncing on the remaining bark of their makeshift bench. "Have you considered I like them?"

"They're literal killers!"

"Just when I think you're over this, you pull this shit again. They aren't killers and you know it."

"Bella, I turn into a giant wolf to protect people from _them_."

She jumped to her feet and tossed her hands in the air as he joined her, suddenly towering over her. "How are we supposed to stay friends if you keep acting this way?"

"We can't!"

Blinking, she recoiled, holding a hand to her chest like she could feel the fresh wound inside of herself. Bella didn't see her childhood best friend when she looked at him. Through the haze of the beginning of tears, she saw a man firm in his beliefs and willing to fight for them. "I respect you," she whispered.

The words took some of the anger from his face to make room for confusion.

"And I love you." Her hand clutched at her own collar as a few tears spilled from her eyes. "But I love myself more. And I…"

Jacob grabbed her free hand by the wrist since it would've been weird to hold onto her fist. "Bella, no. Look. I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"You did." She nodded against his objection. "And I love her. So I have to, so I need to get my shit together and stop being afraid."

Jacob tightened his hold. "What the hell are you talking about? Who is she?"

When she took half a step back, he followed. "Maybe it's ruining our friendship, but I don't know. But I need to know. Or she does."

"Who?" he shouted.

"Alice."

He pulled on Bella's wrist so that she crashed into his chest. "You can't love a leech, Bella! Don't you remember how he left you in the forest to die? Why are you so fucking suicidal?"

"I've never wanted to live so badly!" She yanked her arm back and did it again to the point it popped, but she was free.

He didn't follow her.

* * *

Her eyes burned but she didn't bother reaching for the eye drops on the desk. Bella had her knees drawn up in the chair as she leaned on her fist, elbow braced on the desktop. Between her stomach and thighs, her hand was nestled with an ice pack. She was staring out the window.

So she didn't notice Alice come into the room with a box in her hands, and she definitely didn't notice how the smile fell off her face.

"What's wrong?"

Bella jumped, foot slipping off the chair for a second. "Jesus, Alice, how about a little warning?"

"I called your name as soon as I got to the stairs."

"Oh." Bella looked at her and adjusted her glasses before shrugging. "That one's on me, then."

Alice crossed the room and moved some of Bella's books to perch on the desk, settling the box atop the stack beside her. "Are you going to answer me?"

"About?"

"Don't play stupid."

Shrugging, Bella propped her chin on her fist again.

"Your eyes are red."

"Yes."

Alice took to wringing her hands as her heels bounced against a desk drawer.

Unblinking, Bella asked, "So when are you guys leaving?"

"What?"

"Rosalie and Emmett should've left for 'college' last year. It's the time where you guys move."

"Why couldn't you just ask what's in the fucking box or tell me why you were crying?"

Eyes wide, she turned her head enough to look up at the closest thing to an actual scowl she'd ever seen on Alice's face.

But Alice just looked away, out the window, and fisted a hand in her wild hair.

Bella reached for her out of instinct, and it was a mistake.

The ice pack fell to the floor and it hadn't been there for a second before Alice was picking it up. Before Bella could say anything, it started to shake in Alice's grip and a corner of it popped and leaked around her fingers to drip onto the carpet. Black eyes took Bella's breath away. "He _what_?"

"He—he didn't mean to."

"That doesn't _matter_!"

Bella swallowed and went to run a hand through her hair, but Alice caught it. Even though she had a shaking death grip on the remains of the ice pack with one hand, her touch on Bella's bruised wrist was light. "I don't want to talk about the argument and I don't want to argue with you." She twitched in Alice's gentle hold before deciding better about snatching her wrist from someone again. "We aren't friends so you don't have to worry about wolves being dangerous or whatever."

Black pits softened, just a little, and Alice's hand left Bella's to touch her cheek. "Oh, darling, I'm so sorry."

The new term of affection made Bella's eyebrows shoot up.

Alice noticed, hand frozen and gaze jumping around the room like she was searching for exits. And maybe she was.

"So what's in the box?" She winced. It'd been more of a shout than a question.

But Alice rolled with it and spun away toward the door to point at her. "Answers come to those who wait, but wouldn't you like another ice pack?" She held two fingers to her temple and flashed a smile. "The psychic says yes."

As she vanished, Bella swallowed and pressed her good hand to her chest like it could calm her heart. In far too little time for Bella to compose herself, Alice returned and deposited the ice pack before picking up her box again.

Bella shook the ice pack and held it to her wrist as she shifted to cross her legs in the chair. "Okay, I'm ready."

"No, you only think you're ready. You delayed my buildup."

"Oh, no."

Alice rolled black eyes. "Well, you're as dramatic as Rose so _of course_ you refused to walk at graduation over a color."

"I would rather die than wear that much yellow."

"Yes, yes, and Edward will forever be depressed over you missing such an important human experience. Anyway, I understand deciding to spend time with someone—"

Bella felt her eye twitch over Alice toeing around Jacob.

"— so I had to hold off on giving you your graduation gift. Well, really, it's just a gift but I suppose the time is fitting enough. New chapter of your life and all that."

A smile came to Bella's face as Alice waved her hand in a circle. It faded. "Hey. Wait."

"Hm?" Alice tilted her head.

"Will you," Bella ran a hand through her hair, "Will you go hunt first? I miss your eyes."

She blinked once and then didn't for so long it made Bella's human eyes burn in sympathy. Something soft came over her face and brought out a gentle half-smile Bella hadn't seen since Bella had grabbed her in a hug so tight it hurt when the Cullens had come back. Alice bent a little, placing the box in Bella's hands but not letting go. "If you're willing to wait."

"Patiently," she promised.

Alice's eyes crinkled at the corners and she tapped her finger to Bella's nose. "Then I'll be back in a bit. Sit tight."

She did. Mostly. Almost an hour later, Alice returned with a different shirt, bright eyes, and crossed arms.

"I said to sit tight."

Bella looked up from her position on the bed before rolling her eyes and going back to her book, fist still digging into her cheek. "If I stayed like that this whole time, I would straight fall if I tried to stand up."

"And I would catch you, so what's the problem? You know I would never let you fall."

"Too late," Bella mumbled.

Realizing her mistake, Bella tore the page instead of simply turning it. The silence rang in her ears and she could feel the sound of her heart, if that even made sense. She swallowed and let the book fall closed as she moved to sit up and desperately hoped for escape.

But there was no such thing when it came to a vampire.

Alice was kneeling on the bed in front of her, but Bella couldn't look at her. She was staring at the blue fabric on Alice's shoulder, and the clock was _ticking, ticking, ticking_ until she noticed Alice was holding something out to her. Her eyes dropped to it and after a small gasp, her shoulders relaxed. She took it from Alice like it might break in her hand.

Bella knew the item well. It was the same type of leather cuff Emmett and Jasper wore with the Cullen crest.

"I don't want to go anywhere without you," Alice said softly.

She ran her thumb over the crest without looking up. Her own voice was quiet. "I don't want you to go anywhere without me. Who would tolerate you?"

Alice gave a little laugh. "God, nobody. Rose threw me down the driveway when I suggested we go shopping this Saturday."

"That seems excessive."

"I miiight have cartwheeled across the top of her car as I asked."

Bella raised an eyebrow.

"And dented it," Alice admitted. "But she has so many of them!"

Bella sighed.

"Oh, shut up, Rose 2.0. I don't need your negativity."

"I'll be as negative as I want."

Alice stuck out her lip in a small pout. "I don't want you to be negative." After Bella rolled her eyes, Alice's hand twitched. But then her decision was made because she reached out to move Bella's hair from her face, and her fingers trailed down Bella's cheek to her jaw. Her voice came out as a murmur. "I want to make you happy."

"You do."

A hum. "That's good." She continued studying Bella's face, her gaze following the path of her finger.

"Are…" She swallowed when golden eyes refocused on her own brown ones. "Are we—" A cold finger touched her lips.

"What do you think?"

Bella's fingers fisted Alice's shirt and pulled. In the same moment cold lips were on hers, Alice was climbing into her lap. Her hands settled on Alice's thighs by the time they broke apart and Alice sighed, pressing their foreheads together. She pulled on Bella's collar absently as she lost her hand in brown hair.

"I couldn't live without you again, darling."

* * *

 **A/N:** I was pretty much manic for a majority of this that I wrote last night, so it came out a bit angstier than I intended, I think, but part two has zero angst so there's that. Probably posting that in a few days.


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